The almost perfect girl. (Or boy)

As a teacher, my life is very exciting because I'm faced with different challenges everyday. The most common ones faced in the classrooms are dealing with pupils who do not bother to do their work, pupils who are always forgetful, pupils who do not know what is going on, pupils who drift away during lessons, pupils who think that I own them a living, pupils whose parents think that I'm the one responsible for their future, pupils who are defiant, just to name a few. And this is partly why I love my job. I always imagine myself to be a doctor, trying to cure my patients of their ailments. In order to do so, I have to diagnose their conditions properly and administer the right medicine. When you see them getting better, the satisfaction is great. I liken their conditions to catching a cold, having a bad cough or plagued by a fever.......these illnesses although not serious enough to be life threatening need immediate attention and monitoring. If left untreated, it might develop into a serious infection with undesirable consequences. If they follow the doctor's advice, most of them will eventually recover and there is really nothing much to worry about. Prevention, constant monitoring and early intervention is the key to handle these problems. 

However, there is one type of pupil that I'm particularly worried about. She's the almost perfect girl (boy). She is well mannered and well liked by all her teachers. She is an outstanding pupil who has strong leadership qualities, does well academically and does the school proud with the many awards that she has won. But we do not know that she is trained to do all the appropriate things and learned how to work others in a subtle but self-serving way. She becomes crass manipulators of others and disdainful of people with less polish. Her heart is full of pride that there is no more space for empathy. But, she is trained to do all the appropriate things. She is someone who receives praises from her parents' friends and the first name that comes to a teacher's mind when they need anybody to represent the school.

Why am I worried about her? Because she is seriously ill and not showing any symptoms.............yet. People make mistakes and it is actually good if we repent and learn from them. However the worst mistake is when you do not see that you have done wrong as you will never learn. The almost perfect girl is too perfect to see her own shortcomings. I liken her condition to having a malignant tumor growing in the body without any signs and when we discover it eventually, it might already be too late.

The anecdote of the boiling frog also describes her situation aptly : a frog will jump out if placed in a pan of boiling water, but if submerged in cold water that is heated very slowly, the frog won't jump out and will actually allow itself to be cooked to death. Her situation is slowly damaging her body and mind or soul, and yet she couldn't quite make that jump because of her pride, ignorance or a complete lost of direction. As a teacher, I do pick up some of the signs that her heart might be heading towards the wrong direction but it isn't obvious sometimes. And she will continue to grow up with an erring heart filled with seeds of pride, jealousy, hatred and bitterness, ready to devour and destroy her when the time is ripe. But the scary thing is people will still see her as an outstanding girl and she'll eventually grow up to be an outstanding woman, but nobody is aware of her thoughts and there is no one to help. So, who can help her?

I would think parents play the most important role.

Proverbs 4:23 Keep your heart with all diligence, For out of it spring the issues of life.

There is nothing more important than shepherding our children's hearts. They can be perfect to others but if their hearts are not right, nothing counts because where their hearts are, their souls will be too. So as parents, we are not merely here to ensure that they are well physically, achieve good grades, get a job, put up a good show to earn others' praises. Our top priority is to protect their souls and fight a spiritual war. Therefore, we have to work from their hearts. Nothing cleanses their souls better than God's Word. Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it. 

Parents spend minimal time with their children. The notion of quality time is more attractive than the old idea of quantity time. However, I believe it is a challenge to have quality time when we don't have quantity. Insightful and penetrating conversations with children takes time. Children do not pour their hearts out or open themselves up in a demand schedule. Every so often, a parent will ask a question, make a comment, and reveal some little aspect of their child's heart. In situations when our children's conscience is stirred, we need to talk to them. This may require us to drop everything else to seize a critical moment. Communication will provide the context for a growing unity with our children. Children know when they have a relationship with people who are wise and discerning who know and understand them. 

A full-orbed, rich, multifaceted communication is the cement that holds a parent and child together and lays a firm foundation for the parents' ability to influence their children as they grow older. We can influence our children, our words will have weight and our influence grows with each day we live with our children. All these requires effort, time and energy. There is simply no shortcut. No amount of money can make up for the time lost that you can spend with your children. What makes you think that they will open up to you and respect and seek your advice in times of trouble when you have been missing out from most of their life and only choose to intervene now that you realize they have gone too far off. 

Of course, the next important question is if the parents know their direction in life.

Driver and co-driver

As the teacher, I am the co-driver and do not have the rights to take over the wheel. (I certainly have no rights to slap the driver!) I can only offer suggestions on the routes to take but eventually the parent is the one making the decision and bear the responsibility. Sometimes, they try to pass the wheel to me. As much as I would like to direct them down the right way, I'm sorry to say I have no license to drive! Each family forms the cornerstone of a society. If we play our roles as parents well, the society will certainly be a safe and stable one. If we play our roles as parents well, teachers will have a much easier time at school. As parents, we are in control and we have authority over our children and we should be the ones who know best what is going on in our children's life, not teachers. 

The heart matters most

It's not the grades, the status, the money , or the power that one has that matters. Nothing matters more than having a beautiful heart. We need to fight a tough war everyday guarding our children's heart. And we are not able to guard their little hearts without investing ourselves in a life of sensitive communication in which we help them to understand life. We have only a brief season of life to invest ourselves in this task. We have only one opportunity to do it. If we miss it, we won't be able to go back and do it over and the consequences will be heavy to bear. We have to priortize. Our children are not just children, they are humans with lost souls in this world, searching for directions in their lives. And isn't it our responsibility to lead them back on the right path?If.....................we know the right path.

Eccl 12:13

Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter; Fear God and keep His commandments, For this is man's all.