Teacher,is my child too quiet?

Sometimes, I will get this question from parents during parents-teachers meeting (PTM) at school and it really sets me thinking. I'm certainly not an expert in this area nor have I conducted any research and have statistics on hands. I'm just speaking from my view as a teacher,how I view quiet pupils. We usually associate 'quiet' with 'shy' or 'introvert' but there is actually a difference between these 2 which I'm not going to go into. Although 'shy' is not necessary a negative term but it seems we do not consider it a desirable trait and our society still places a greater value on being bold and outgoing.

I understand where the father is coming from. Perhaps he has been told at every PTM that her daughter is too quiet and needs to speak up more.It makes him worried if her daughter will be at a disadvantage and gradually starts to believe that being quiet is indeed a problem and something which her daughter needs to get out of.

So we have to ask ourselves a question, is there really a problem with being quiet? Coming from a teacher's view,if my pupil is so quiet such that she will not communicate or make any eye contact with me then I'll be concerned.There's no way for me to know if she's feeling alright,there's no way for me to help her should she face difficulties with her studies and what about her oral examinations?In this case,I think we might even need to seek professional help.

If not,I think there's more good than harm being a quiet person. A quiet person will most probably put her ears and brains to good use since she doesn't speak that much.She'll be a better listener,use her brain to think harder and has a lesser chance of saying the wrong things. They learn better in class because they are like sponges,absorbing everything that the teacher said.

They are silent observers with a higher level of awareness than their peers. They are more alert and have a sensitive temperament that predisposes them to look before they leap.

A quiet person seems less aggressive because they will not stamp their ideas on other people and is more likely to be more receptive to feedbacks. They are gentle and more empathetic because they have observed how people are hurt by inconsiderate actions and will spend time to reflect on their own. They might not have many friends but are contented with one or two close ones.

Quiet people like to keep a low profile and do not yearn for attention.This is definitely a strength because people often lose themselves when they mind too much of what others think of them and they will start doing things which other people like and not things that are right. You may say that being too low profile is a disadvantage because you'll soon fade into the background. However, I believe that a person with capability is like a pearl among the sand.There's no way to hide it hence there's no need for trumpet blowing.

A quiet person is not afraid to be alone.They are independent and are comfortable in spending time with themselves.Thus,they will be less likely to succumb to peer pressure because they can jolly well be alone.

With the above qualities, a quiet person will certainly become a very good leader as well.

From a parent's view,if my child is a quiet child and can spend time doing his own activities, for example reading a book rather than joining his other friends for some fun.Why not? As long as he's comfortable with it,I see no reason in stopping him.

I used to think that being a quiet person,we might not be able to spread the Gospel effectively but I realized this isn't true either. Talking isn't the only way to spread the Gospel. A quiet person diligently serving in Church and doing the Lord's work is his own way of spreading the Gospel.He's leading by example and his actions speak louder than words.

My husband is a quiet man.I used to think he is shy but then I realized I am wrong.He just does not like to talk. He loves spending time with the cells in his research laboratory and eats his lunches alone. However, he always take the initiative to approach visitors in Church and waste no time in having a chat with them.I guess that's because he believes that this is important because it concerns their Salvation and he's well aware that his mission is to spread the Gospel to them.

Being in a society that prizes the bold and outspoken, we ought to be careful not to overlook the strengths of our quiet children. Just because all their friends are bold and outspoken isn't a valid reason for us to force our children to change their personalities. They're unique in their own ways and we have to love them just the way they are.

And to the parent asking me this question,your girl is indeed quiet but I have no problems with that. During lessons,she always maintain eye contact with me. She doesn't raise up her hand much but I know she's engaged from the quality work and answers that she had given me. She gets along well with her group members and contributes in her own ways during group discussions. She has improved since the first day I taught her and I believe she will continue to grow with confidence.

Just a gentle reminder to all teachers, the next time when we want to comment to a parent that their child is too quiet and needs to speak up in class, maybe we can think through the above points again because our comment makes it seem like being quiet is a problem but this is not true.

1 Pet 3:4
rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.